Emotions
by Charlotte Haddix
Summary: Fang and Max's thoughts after the incident with the Red-Haired Wonder and the date with Sam
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Red Haired Wonder

Fang POV

I slammed to door to my room as hard as I could. I could not believe Max. I heard her crying in the background. I tried to tune it out and just kept going over everything in my head. She had been saying Anne was taking her place. I had already told her that wasn't possible, but she never listens to me. I told her she shouldn't have to be a mom, and what does she do? She attacks me and says she's not as good as Lissa.

I don't even know why she freaking cares that I kissed Lissa. It's not like Max and I were ever together. It's not like she ever wanted us to be together. But of course, even if we never thought of being together, she freaks out if I kiss anyone else.

Looking back on that whole episode, I could have been nicer to her. She was obviously upset. But I hadn't done anything. Max never wanted to be with me. She never cared about me like I… Never mind. It doesn't matter.

I just hoped she didn't hate me. I had brought up the Kiss on the beach. She looked so embarrassed. She looked so hurt, and I didn't even know why. But she deserved it. Didn't she? I picked up the nearest object, a pillow, and threw it across the room. She was so difficult.

I began to wonder why I cared so much. Maybe it wasn't just that I cared about this. Maybe I just cared about… Max. My best friend. My… sister. That's all she was, wasn't it? That's all she is now. Anything we could have had, I had just blown it. It was gone now. I tried to tell myself I didn't care. There was no point in caring about something that was gone forever. Max was just my sister. Max was just my best friend. And she would be forever, unless… No. It was too fantastic. It was the kind of thing that happened in those movies Nudge always watched. It would never happen to me. Not with Max.

Max POV

I just stood there in the hallway for a little while. Finally I went into my bedroom and collapsed on the bed. I began to cry. I'm sure everyone could hear me, but I didn't care. I just went over shat I had said to Fang. He must hate me now. Or worse. He probably thinks I was a jealous little teenage brat.

I didn't mean to. I'm not jealous of my best friend in the world kissing someone else. Whoa, where did the someone else come from?

_Well, it usually implies you'd rather he be kissing you, _said my Voice.

_Get the hell out my head,_ I thought back.

I wouldn't rather he be kissing me. Fang would never want to kiss me. I couldn't get his mocking face out of my head. I had kissed him once, and he brought it up as a mean comeback. I don't even understand why I cared. We were never together. He could do whatever he wanted. I didn't care. Sure he was my best friend. He was like my brother, but that didn't matter. We were never… I mean, I thought maybe we… Someday… no. That would never happen. It was something that happened to those girls on TV. Not mutant bird freaks like me. Any chance I would've had with Fang was gone. And I had done it to myself. All because of that stupid Red-Haired Wonder.

I'd ruined everything. Fang didn't care about me anymore. He thought I was just some jealous little girl. "Goodnight… Mom." How could he have said that? I didn't mean what he thought I meant. I just was scared. I was scared I was losing the flock. And what did I end up losing instead? I lost Fang, or any at least any chance I'd had… of what? I started to sob even more.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Date with Sam

Fang POV

I can't believe myself. I get ticked off when Max yells at me for kissing Lissa, and I do the exact same thing to her with that Sam guy. I mean, I guess I wasn't as bad as she was. I had comforted her and everything, so she probably didn't hate me _that_ much, but she was definitely not delighted with me. Who was I kidding? The only reason I could comfort her was because she was crying that she could never be with whoever this Sam dude is anyway. "He could be the nicest guy in the world, but it doesn't change anything."

What was I, her favorite bird mutant? Not even. Angel was her favorite. I thought about how I saw Max and Sam practically eating each other's faces. I thought I was going to hit somebody. And then what does she do? She says how sweet he is, how nice of a time she had. And her painfully cheery face practically killed me.

Why couldn't I make her happy? Why couldn't I have kissed her right when she said she saw herself as an Eraser and said she could never be like that? Why couldn't she want that? Oh my god. I'm turning into a mushy little… thing. But still my thoughts traveled to Max comforting Iggy about his blindness. She said she loved him. I knew she meant as a brother, but she'd never said something like that to me. Never. Not once. Not even platonically.

I couldn't have this going on in my head right now. Max was having enough trouble staying strong as it was. She didn't need me looking all wistful and sad. She needed me to keep her strong. Mr. Strong and Silent, that's me. The flock came first. Maybe we could be… something someday when we were all safe and the School was gone. If that dude left the picture. I felt a tinge of regret for every moment I could have been better to Max that I didn't take. Why couldn't I be as good as Sam?

I knew she could tell I was feeling… fine, I'll say it, jealous. Most people wouldn't have been able to hear the pain in my voice or my jaw clenched ever so slightly, but Max would. She would know. Hell, she did know. And she didn't freaking care.

I shook my head and tried to clear my thoughts of Max. There was no point whining about it. I had already lost her a long time ago. She wasn't interested. I just needed to be a source of comfort for her. That's all she needed from me.

Max POV

Fang. My Fang. He was so good to me. I knew he felt… Well I didn't know exactly what it was he was feeling, but I knew something was wrong. He seemed so tense when he asked about Sam. But he seemed fine when I told him about the other me and Eraser Max. He seemed perfectly in his element she he told me he would still know me. He seemed fine when he smoothed my hair so kindly and gently. He knew how to keep me strong. He took care of me. I felt a pang of regret every time he did, though.

I never took care of Fang. Sure, I stayed with him at that hospital, but I could've helped him fight Ari. Sure, I kissed him on that beach, but what did he say after that? "Ow." He let me cry on his shoulder and I pushed him into walls. He stroked my hair and told me who I was while I freaking told him how nice my date was.

And the sick thing was I couldn't even tell if it was hurting him. He was so good. He put on a happy face about all of it. I should say he put on an impassive face. God, if Fang put on a happy face every time I hurt him, my entire life would be happier.

My thoughts ventured to every time I saw Fang genuinely _smile,_ not smirk. Ever time he smiled, I remember my day brightening significantly. Fang made me so happy. I never gave him anything in return.

_Then start now,_ said someone from the back of my head. It wasn't the Voice. It was me.


	3. Chapter 3

Max POV

I decided to start right there and then. I would stop hurting him, or at least I'd try not to. I slowly picked myself up from my bed and walked down the hallway to Fang's bedroom, careful not to wake the kids. If Angel was awake... I didn't want to think about it.

_Focus, Max_, said the Voice.

I am focused.

I opened Fang's bedroom door silently and slipped inside, closing it just as quietly. He didn't notice me yet. I decided to have a bit of fun and knelt down behind him. He was sitting on the floor staring out the window. I quickly covered his eyes up with my hands and began to say something, but I was cut off by him picking me up by the waist and sitting me on his lap as he sat down on his bed. Then he put his arm around me in a headlock. He was playing too; that meant he couldn't be that mad.

"Maximum Ride, if you ever sneak up on me like that again, I'll..."

"You'll what?" I asked. "Why would you want to hurt me?" I gave him Bambi eyes. He looked surprised at me being so, I don't know, sweet and playful? I was just trying to be... Friendly? But he seemed to be okay with it and chuckled. I smiled. He gave me a smirk. I guess you can't have it all. He looked down at me and seemed surprised to notice he still had his arm around my neck and quickly released me. He leaned back to let me off his lap, but I didn't move. I waited for him sit back up, and when he didn't, I pulled him up to me. I paused for a moment, wondering if I really wanted to say all of this to him.

_Get on with it_, said the Voice.

_Shut up,_ I thought.

"I'm sorry. For everything," I whispered.

His face remained impassive, but I saw him frown, ever so slightly.

"You are always there for me and I'm always so horrible to you- and.." I wanted to say more, but I was cut off by Fang pulling my face to his. He didn't kiss me, but we were less than an inch apart.

"You never hurt me unless you wanted to. I'm the one who should be apologizing. You haven't done anything, Max. I'm sorry."

I felt my eyes widen. That was one of the most emotional things I'd ever heard him say.

Then I felt him stroke my cheek. He kissed me. It was slow and shy and sweet and perfect. I kissed him back and as we broke apart, I tried to hold him as closely to me as I could. I wouldn't lose him. I couldn't.

He kissed the top of my head lightly and held me close.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I know. I love you too. Now sleep. Shh. Close your eyes."

His voice was so gentle and kind.

"But-" I started.

"Just for a moment. I'll still be here when you wake up. You need the rest."

"The Flock doesn't have to know about this, right?"

"Of course not. Not if you don't want them to."

He stroked my face and I closed my eyes, willing the moment to last forever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: I know it's short, but I'm doing more of personal insight than real stories, so it has to be short. I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I've been busy. All reviews are welcome. Please tell me if you have any particular scenes you want to see me do. I'm basically trying to hit up the most angsty FAX stuff. I kind of want to do a songfic in one of these chapters, so any ideas for that would be great. Otherwise, enjoy!**

After the Kiss in the Cave

Fang POV

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Did I honestly think that Max would let me kiss her? I had thought ever since that night she came back from her date with Sam that maybe, just maybe, she would open up a little bit. Maybe she would admit what I'd seen in her eyes for so long. But no.

Max wasn't like that. It didn't matter that she had told me she loved me like I'd been waiting to hear her say forever. It didn't matter that she had kissed me back. She still left.

Max always tried to be too strong for her own good. More than once I had thought of just giving up on her, but I couldn't. She had said she loved me_. I love you. I love you. I love you_. He couldn't keep it out of his head. And now he was falling apart into some kind of pathetic lovesick puppy. He didn't need this right now. Max needs her soldier, Fang. She doesn't need mad declarations of love.

But maybe someday... I couldn't help but imagine a day where he could kiss Max and she wouldn't be crying or half asleep or flying away. A day where we were safe in each other's arms. But fantasies are for children, I reminded myself. I didn't get to have a fantasy. I got to have reality. Whoop-dee freaking doo. I got bird mutants and Erasers and Itex and plans of world domination. I got death threats and rejection and pain because I wasn't a child. I was a soldier. A strong and silent, dark angel-like soldier. Aw gee. That's what everyone wants to be, isn't it. Not like it matters what I want, I thought bitterly. I punched the cave wall again, despite the pain I had already inflicted on my hand. I cursed loudly and cradled it. When the pain finally ceased I tried to sleep. Max, Max, Max. Why couldn't she just let her heart tell her what to do for just one second? She loved me. I loved her. But it just wasn't enough. These thoughts chased each other around in my mind as I closed my onyx eyes and let the night consume me.


End file.
